Is general writing about anything tacky and shameful at this point? Penning words for any purpose feels almost insensitive, and the idea of pitching editors strikes me as a gross and selfish misuse of time. Am I looking to spur healthy distraction or instinctively capitalizing on paranoia? Do these questions need to be asked or should I skip pretentious self-questioning and get on with my cute little list as though nothing bizarre is heavily impacting every single one of our lives right now?
Hey, we all have to keep living despite terror; thus I’m forced to ask, “Should we schedule in bingeing horror classics on top of staying afloat amidst disabling uncertainty?” Absolutely. A semi-frequent check in on the news seems necessary (and impossible to fight,) but our days and nights can’t purely be worry. What we need, in addition to food, water, conversation, meditation, moderate exercise, and the occasional nut, is film of the utmost escapist variety. My go-to genre and one of my few remaining interests ishorror.
I’ve written quite a fewhorror movie lists, most of which are self-important compilations of obscure scary gems, appealing exclusively to genuinehorror nerdsor middle-aged creeps who “saw that on tv one time in 1986.” I’m very gradually becoming both those people, and in my defense: My aim has only ever been putting people onto the movies I love.
I write on horror simply because I love horror; more specifically treasures of the late 60s, 70s, and 80s, and I want horror fans to discover or revisit the many movies I believe in. Luckily for us, we’re shut away with access to more streaming services than ever, most of which have a half-decent selection of horror.
Whether you like ghouls, the undead, scary perverts, or creature features, there’s good flicks available to you right now on Prime, Netflix, Hulu, and (very surprisingly) Tubi. I weeded through an overwhelming amount of garbage and picked out the best horrors so you don’t have to.
Netflix is deep into the true crime documentary game as of late. It feels like everyday there’s a new miniseries that contains artful drone shots of a secluded, small town, leading into some unsolved mystery about a woman held captive in a shed. That’s prevalent, but not all they have to offer -Netflixdoes have decent films if you thoroughly scroll through. Their horror selection is underwhelming, I admit, but there are at at least a few great ones to be seen.
Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
Synopsis: A young couple moves into an upscale apartment where they’re met by bizarre neighbors, a mysterious pregnancy, and some understandable paranoia.
Arguably the mother of all heavily atmospheric slow-burners,Rosemary’s Babyis a widely-respected flick that warrants almost no write-up. It’s the finest “wait for the finish” horror (by critics' standards, probably,) yet suspenseful to the point of nauseating throughout. We’re all pretty aware of the climax, considering it’s been referenced, copied, and parodied since its release, but awareness doesn’t make it any less disturbing.Rosemary’s Babyis a timeless, hair-raising viewing that set the atmospheric tone for everything that came after.
The Wicker Man (1973)
Synopsis: A police sergeant is sent to a Scottish island in search of a missing girl. Those in the island village claim the girl never existed.
The Wicker Manis a cult-hit, eerie slow ride, and ominous treasure of a flick that only receives its rightful due among a very specific crowd of horror nerds. If you enjoyed the 2019 hitMidsommar, you can thank Robin Hardy’sThe Wicker Manfor the premise. As far as films dealing with the occult go, this is the matriarch. It’s a British horror master work in which the pacing plays a huge role in stirring anxiety, while the finish is incomparable in its feeling of foreboding. The Nicholas Cage remake is just about the finest example of unintentional comedy, which would be shameful if it didn’t provide so many laughs. Skip the remake unless you’re loopy off painkillers and in need of some comic relief.
The Invitation (2015)
Synopsis: A man attends a dinner party hosted by his ex-wife where behaviors are odd and tensions are high.
The Invitationis a memorable horror-thriller that’s strange enough to be unsettling, but not tense or inventive enough to be deemed a sort of “classic.” Like the other films already mentioned, it’s about the buildup inThe Invitation- a crawling one at that, leading to a somewhat satisfying but ultimately too-predictable climax. All that being said, it’s a disturbing and engaging watch.
Creep (2014)
Synopsis: A naive young director responds to an online ad for a videographer gig in a remote town, which entails recording the last messages of a dying, strange fella.
The remarkable acting of Mark Duplass makes Creep what it is - A surprisingly brilliant found-footage chiller, steered by an off-the-brink nutcase who brings a tensely awkward comedic delivery to an outright terrifying role.Creepis more clever than brutal, and far more performance than gore. In fact, it’s for the most part tame, but able to get under your skin regardless.Creepis so uniquely good you’ll want to watch the sequel, which is equally great in its own right (plus more experimental and a little loonier.) If a post-2000s horror is impressive enough to urge an ostentatious horror head (dork) like myself to watch the sequel, it must be solid.
The Witch (2015)
Synopsis: Witchcraft and black magic take their tolls on a family in 1630s New England.
The Witchis an unhurried, visually impressive horror with strong creep-factor; a kind of nod to the 70s pace, and with more beautiful cinematography (not to mention a haunting score.) If you like witches, woodsy horror, folklore, or just plain grim atmosphere you’ll enjoyThe Witch. Does it deliver upon its leisurely build? That’s for the individual viewer to decide. Is it a tad up its own ass and perhaps overly praised by critics? That’s not worth answering nor expanding on. Is it worthy of a watch? Certainly. Would I have more respect for this film if it were exactly what it is but made in the 70s? Unfortunately yes. Have I lazily questioned and responded to myself in lieu of writing an actual in-depth review?
Synopsis: A group of friends take a trip to a remote cabin in the woods, where they accidentally release demons.
Sam Raimi’s low-budget, campy debut demands almost no write-up from me. Many horror films have developed cult status over the years, butThe Evil Deadis arguably the ultimate cult classic, and for good reason. It’s the work of a tenacious young filmmaker on a mission to prove himself with a super limited budget. Fortunately, the low budget worked in Raimi’s favor. What he created is a gorey, outrageous masterpiece that’s tremendously goofy yet stomach-churning and spooky.The Evil Deadis quintessential camp - an intentional and masterfully done camp at that.
Candyman (1992)
Synopsis: A grad student researching a mythical monster known as “Candyman” unknowingly summons him.
Virginia Madsen plays an endearing, sympathetic lead in this shocking tale of urban myth. 2 factors separate Candyman from other violent horrors of the 90s and earlier: It takes place in the “hood,” a general area seldom affected by fictional killers in scary movies, and we as an audience are forced to genuinely care about the lead character’s mental well-being. The deaths aren’t nonsensical write-offs for pure entertainment value - they have a sincere impact on Madsen’s state of mind, which makes for a horror as psychologically-driven as it is fun, slash ‘em up.
The Platform (2019)
Synopsis: A vertical prison houses inmates who are forced to eat from a platform that feeds prisoners on the highest floors first.
The Platformis an excessively violent, rather blunt satirical commentary on class, shot in a very limited setting, with sharp dialogue and not a whole lot else. It’s a dark, brutal, and minimal effort that’s effective in its aim to repulse and upset you. You’re thrown a few curves, though this one certainly isn’t much of a thinker. The Platform’s undoubtedly a polarizing journey, as any one-of-a-kind flick is.
Of all the streaming services, Hulu probably has the strongest showing of tv shows. I give them that credit because their movie choices leave a lot to be desired (though they’re at least laid out nicely!)
